"Calm down box"
What is it?
A collection of items, relating to the five senses, which help children to relax and calm down when experiencing large emotions or frustrations like sibling conflict. It can also be used as self-care and mindfulness throughout the day to prevent them from becoming overwhelmed.
Can be used for children ages 4+.
Additional Supports:
An extra item that my daughter thought of to add was tissues for any tears.
I also include other calming technique visuals, such as for breathing, that they can follow.
"Box breathing" and "color breathing" are good examples to use.
"Body scan" is also a good relaxation technique and can also be used before sleep to practice and build the connection between it and relaxation.
A list of exercises, like 20 jumping jacks etc, that they can do to release any built-up energy.
Don’ts
No technology (iPad, phones, video games etc.)
No snacks or food- For taste, you can either put a plastic cup which they can get a drink of water with or put a visual reminder in the box of getting or asking for a drink of water.
Nothing messy that will cause you stress afterwards.
Process
Step 1: Create the calm down box.
The items will be personalized based on what usually relaxes each child. They should take part in deciding what items to add and in placing the items into the box.
Keep the box within sight to use at first together, say for example, in the living room. Then when doing on their own; find a more private place like a shelf in their closet that they can access themselves.
Step 2: Learning together.
In the beginning, I would go through how it is used and sit with them as they use the items during times of calm as a form of self-care and mindfulness and forming the habit and connection.
This replaced time outs for us and instead, after giving them 2-5 minutes of connection, in those initial moments of emotional upset, with comforting words and a hug, I would then say something like, "I think you need a break to do your calm down box first, and then we can talk about what's bothering you after and fix it."
This reassurance of addressing the issue with someone they trust allows them to have patience with the situation and in how they are feeling about it and will be more open to take the time to process their emotions with the calm down box which provides a healthy and safe way for them to do so.
Step 3: Independence
Eventually, I would allow them to try on their own, asking them to set a timer for 10-15 minutes, and remind them to be mindful that this is the time to focus on calming down.
Once the timer ends, we would discuss to problem solve.
I then move on towards asking them when they are in emotional distress, what do they feel they need? Allowing them to say and connect the need for the calm down box or figuring out core issues from self-awareness over time, and then encouraging them to do problem-solving on their own after calming down.
Conclusion
This process teaches that everyone needs time alone and self-care and also the importance of giving others space to have breaks.
In Shaa Allah there will be fewer fights, tantrums and calls for your help to fix everything, and siblings can learn to remind each other to take breaks.
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