Emotion regulation techniques for kids (Part 2)

Updated: Jun 30, 2023

"Sibling conflict resolution"

Importance of boundaries

If it feels like every few minutes they would run to you for every issue between them. You can give them guidelines for conflict resolution.

Here are some personal examples:

Rules

1. No yelling, no use of bad names or words or physically hurting each other

2. They need to use assertive sentence prompts which I taught them

3. They must try three times on their own to solve the issue before coming to me.

4. They must take a break first (calm down box) if they feel in the moment due to emotions, they are unable to do the above properly.

5. Once the above are done, they can come ask for help if required.

Process

Step 1: Discuss together

Discuss the rules and what is expected to the children during time of calm. Give personal examples of how things have currently been going to emphasize the importance of trying to follow through. Role play to show them the positive difference that following these steps could have.

Step 2: Implementation

When a child comes to you complaining about a situation, you could say something like " I hear you. Let's try out the new rules for this situation."

You can decide based on your own knowledge of your children as to how much help they would need with the steps. It might require your supervision and direction the first several times before moving to the next step.

Step 3: Reminder

When you feel they have made progress and remember the steps fairly well. You could give them a positive warning like, "you both have been doing very well in working through your problems lately." Get their feedback about it and how they feel about their performance. Then say, " I feel you are ready to try this on your own, so next time I will be only reminding you and asking you if you have completed each step. You both will be responsible for doing your own effort into following the steps and making things work. Let's try it out this way and see how it goes."

Additional Support: Discipline

If the rules are not followed, then appropriate discipline is taken that relates to what is happening at the moment. Warnings of how discipline will be working can also help motivate them to follow the steps. If they try and come ask for your help, giving a warning of possible discipline from your part may be used as giving them a second chance to try it out especially if emotions are high. They may be more willing to listen to the other sibling or in coming up with negotiations.

Example: If a toy is being fought over and if both kids cannot follow the rules, then that toy will be taken away from both children. If it is just one child not following the rules, then only that child will not be allowed to play with it.

If discipline is met with an emotional response, then suggest to them that they use the calm down box.

Conclusion

Remember, you are creating a standard for your children. Feel free to connect this standard to Islam and the importance of it through an Islamic perspective. It is also important for us as parents to follow the standard we are expecting from our children. If we expect them to use respectful speech and not raise their voice and do actions to control their emotions etc. then we should commit to following these too as a family. Making mistakes is also a learning experience for everyone.

I hope In Shaa Allah these suggestions may be helpful for other mothers out there who are struggling with these same issues.